oodlestoodles

of london's eye,
and burned bridges,
pricking your finger on a spindle,
eating the poisoned apple,

waking up in a dream,
being in a trance,
reconciling reality
with gigantic expectations,

of fairy tales not working,
and being in denial
that the prince is just as lucid as sleeping beauty,
and the pre-resurrected snow white.

and finding yourself in good company,
with a thousand well-meaning dwarfs,
and yet you wish he'd wake up...
there can't be two princesses in a story.

"To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven.
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to reap that which is planted.
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to to mourn, and a time to dance.
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing.
A time to get and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace."
Ecclesiastes 3: 1

when i have enough money, i will move out. and live happily ever after. amen.

the boyfriend was a duck for halloween. a duck. haha.we went to this radioactive zombie themed party and he was dressed as a duck and me as a ranger because we didn't read the invitation right. it was hilarious.

we bought a ps3 yesterday with tekken 6. it's the first time we bought something together so even though i'm not much of a gamer, i'd still say it's worth it. you don't save money for nothing, right?

my readings and books have been untouched for days end, one spider thought it would be funny to anchor it's web on them. touche. but today is freedom day so i get to spend it on me-time. and reading on my research. especially after seeing tenzin yesterday and he asked me how my research was going and i just said: "it's not going". sheesh.

tut. tut.

the tragedy of being in a relationship is that someone will always love the other more.
the tragedy of expecting too much is it will always lead to heartbreak.
the tragedy of trusting someone is being vulnerable to betrayal.
the tragedy of a heartbreak is it will always come back to haunt you.


*but i feel you, summer.

to be happy, you have to surround yourself with pleasant people. people who acknowledge that yes life has ups and downs but the glass can be always viewed as half-full. dealing with negative people is a waste of energy. the cumulu-nimbus clouds hovering around them are not only depressing, they can also drench you wet even when you are a kilometer away.

to be happy, you have to be grateful. be thankful for the little things, the Universe, science, yourself and you can even thank the Big Guy for Him. recognize the blessing in every single thing. it doesn't take a martyr or a Mother Theresa to be oozing with thank you's to life.

to be happy, you have to realize that life on earth is numbered. nobody has lived forever. and death is bound to happen so the best thing to do is to let the lemons rain on your parade but remember to make large volumes of lemonade.

to be happy, you have to love. loving is easy. it's innate in humans as breathing. love. breathe. love. loving doesn't always have to be romantic. the act of loving is very flexible and boundless. it can come in different forms and can be shown in different ways.

to be happy, you have to know your limits. know your strengths, play them up, know your weakness, work on them and then accept things you cannot change. be Jonathan Seagull-ish. if you don't know him, now is the perfect time to read his story.

yes, these are just some of the countless ways to be happy. but the most important thing to remember is: if you want to be happy, just be. or maybe start with a colon and a capital D.

the facts were these:

2 days, 9 hours, 45 minutes 'til my second assignment worth 25% of the grade is due.
6 days, 9 hours, 45 minutes before the deadline for application for the ethics committee of my research.
11 days, 9 hours, 45 mintues 'til the exam which is 40%.
2o hours of part-time work
and i'm tired.
like really.

i have proven it. alcohol makes me tired. and sleepy. the boys have given me bourbon cola while we were on a 'movie marathon' and i ended up sleeping on the sofa. but then a couple of hours later, i found myself awake. and alone. booyah!

ondoy,

our resilience was witnessed by spanish conquistadors
and other foreign nations;
in a period of turbulent times
(remember martial law and several crises?)
we have remained a nation of prayer
and we have managed a peaceful revolution;
we may not have found our identity yet as a nation,
but we smile through insults
and battle with our wit and humor;
we endure oppression from the very same people
who proclaim themselves leaders of this country
and who unashamedly call themselves our 'kababayan';
our value system may have its own weaknesses
but our greatest strength is hope;
have you ever witnessed 'bayanihan' at its finest?
look around and see the common man
make a difference.
we are survivors ondoy,
and you can't bring us down.

love,
the filipino people

it is much much easier to say, "i am annoyed" or "i am jealous" than it is to say "i love you and i am so happy you are a part of my life". but being angry or jealous only makes up 0.000001% of what i feel, which by the way is null and void in the world of real numbers, while the unadulterated i love you's measures up to 99.9%. i just sometimes find it hard to express how glad/grateful/blessed i feel that you are moving in the same axis that i am in this great big universe.

so if for some reason i make you feel not so great, i am sending a million (with the function of the limit equating to infinity) apologies on your end. because i would defy the laws of physics and the axioms in math if only to express how happy ecstatic i am to be with you.

and yes, i maybe working on 1a+4b+3x = y and a whole lot of algebraic expressions but know that i will still be here for you. like always.

i love sundays. i've always had. especially when i don't need to work. like today. a friend came over all the way from mt albert and we just had to head down the beach despite the weather. i am only learning to enjoy the perks of living close to the beach and therefore having the luxury of getting there on a whim.

anyway, i realized people love dumping their truths on me. i'm not complaining. it's just that i am cursed with a good memory and these ugly truths usually play on loop and then i go crazy. i hate having to process everything. i detest being the third person observer because it feels like witnessing a crime. you have two options: keep silent or do the whole arduous task of retelling the story. staying mute is fine, especially if you match it with a sleepy conscience. but not if your inner self is vigilant and noisy. ah, the dilemma.

on the bright side of things, living vicariously through other people's lives is way better than actually being them. right?

i can only write lines
of sweet sweet sunrises,
and secret smiles,
blinding attractions,
and synchronized movements
of reaching for the moons of jupiter:
getting there and back.
feeling not thinking...
sorting and sifting
through salt and sand.

i've been really busy. work. uni. boyfriend. yes, boyfriend. :)

everybody at work just found out so i'm under a lot of inquisition and pressure but so far it's been...ermm...blissful. :) i know people have been expecting that we'd be joined at the hip but unfortunately we are two very different people who tries to balance everything and spend time with people who we care about. i spent last night watching wall-e with him (after work) and thinking man this is mushy but ended up giving him a big kiss on the cheek for convincing me to watch the movie. plus a couple of home movies he edited which i must say is pro for 2004. but i guess what's more awesome is seeing a baby sealion on the northern end of orewa beach while we were (yes, i know so overrated) strolling along the beach last saturday.

so yeah, in between alone time, spending time with family, church and plenty of lovin'...life is good. :)

thanks Universe.

i have trust issues. i do. and yet, i give in to my impulses sometimes (okay, i lied. rarely is more fitting as this is the first time i did it) and just dive. head first. crazy. because i thought it would be worth it. it was too soon.

maybe this four-letter-word doesn't work for me, you know?

sunday

me: i have a date on wednesday. and ermmm... friday too.
tita: finally! some good news!
charlie: wow!

*they've been watching something sad on TV.

thursday

me: i will bring a date on charlie's party.
royce: wow, where'd you buy him from?
andrew: can i get the business card?

*it doesn't stop there.

royce: is he filipino? half? asian?
me: no. he's kiwi.
royce: is he maori.
me *oh royce*: no. he's white, ok.

me: you have to be nice to him, ok?
*all three agrees*
charlie: we'll be so nice we'll run every time he tries to talk to us for the fear of offending him.

i love them.

and now for the finale which made my day, week, year:

him: what time you keen for lunch? anytime between twenty minutes from now and forever is good with me.

the word *kilig* doesn't suffice my friend.

i'm not good in dealing with deaths. but this i must mention:

i'm praying for former president cory aquino's soul. the proof that behind every great
man is a woman. the first woman president of my beloved country.

both ninoy and cory live in my heart.

we don't do anything. we just go with the flow. and move on. :)

it's mind-numbing. really. just thinking about how fast the last three uni weeks have gone by.

i wasted yesterday because i had a splitting headache. the kind that won't go away unless you drink painkillers and spend the rest of the day in bed. THAT kind. i never knew headache headache before.

my monday schedule is killing me. work from 6 am to 2 pm. then class from 6 pm to 9 pm. i sleep an hour or two in between. waking up is the hardest part which involves my tita tugging on my comforter. she doesn't know the trick on how to wake me up effectively. hunnybun (our cat) just stares at me intently when it wants to get out of my room and i'm in deep sleep. annoyingly, she does this around 2 to 3 am.

as much as i'd like to say research methods paper is the bomb, i can't. plus, i haven't started on my actual thesis yet. i think my supervisor is expecting me to start on my proposal without his input. just great.

plus i haven't heard from THE boy since Friday. since dinner. he was online last night but i wanted him to initiate contact. to show a sign that he cares for me too. especially when i texted him that i was sick. what a disappointment. but as one friend aptly said, "he's not just that into you." so now we have established that fact, tell me how can i change that? any suggestions?

universe, please... *whine whine whine*

thought of the day: i would rather watch crap TV than study. lol.